Thursday, November 26, 2009

Top Ten Extreme Characters I have met

The following are a list of extremist characters I have met during my search for the true understanding of Islam, some of them you might know, some you might not. I have written it in dialog form, but note that not every one of these dialogs actually happened, most of them I just thought up the reply but was too polite to say it.

If you fall into any of these categories, do not take offense, rather take it as an opportunity for introspection:

1. The Extreme Hater

EH: As Muslims we should hate all Kuffar, Deviants and Sinners
Me: Thats all of humanity
EH: Anybody who loves a Kaafir becomes a Kaafir
Me: The Quran says that the prophet (peace be upon him)loved Abu Talib who died a Kaafir, does that mean you beleive.....

2. The Extreme Chauvinist

EC: Women are not allowed to drive
Me: The female companions drove camels
EC: Well women are not allowed to study anything except Islam
Me: Then how did Ayesha (RA) master medicine?
EC: Well a woman is not allowed to go to the Masjid
Me: That's not what the prophet said

3. The Extreme Urdu Waalaa

EUW: Nasheeds are only Halal in Urdu or Arabic
Me: How is Urdu different from English?
EUW: Urdu is the language of our forefathers
Me: So? Dawud Wharnsby and Yusuf Islam's forefathers spoke English
EUW: English is the language of the Kuffar
Me: Wonder what language the Hindus in India speak

4. The Extreme Blind Follower:

EBF: If my Shaykh tells me this green plate is blue, I will believe that it is blue! (Someone actually said that to me)
Me: Well then I can't help you, you need a psychiatrist (never really say that, just thought it)

5. The Extreme Free Thinker:

EFT: There is no such thing as Hijab, its a pagan custom
Me: I'll tell that to all the companions and scholars since they are unanimous that Hijab is part of Islam, but I'm sure you know better than every single companion and the pious scholars of the past and the ummah has being wrong for 1400 years.

6. The Extreme Hanafi: (Real Conversation)

EH: Astagfirullah! How can you raise your hands before and after Rukhu! Thats Wrong!
Me: Didn't the prophet (peace be upon him) do it?
EH: Yes....
Me: So will I go to Hell for trying to follow this Sunnah?
EH: No, but it's against our Madhab
Me: YOUR madhab, not our ;)

7. The Extreme Salafi:

Me: So-and-so passed this fatwa
ES: He is not a Salafi because he said Sufis are Muslims
Me: But so-and-so also said the same
ES: He is not a Salafi because he believes drums are Halal
Me: So-and-so also said the same
ES: You are not quoting any Salafis
Me: Who is a Salafi then?
ES: (Starts listing his teachers, apparently you have to be his teacher or one of his teacher's students and agree with their every opinion to fit their definition of a Salafi)

8. The Extreme Haraam Police:

EHP: Video Games, Nasheeds, Videos, etc are all Haraam!
Me: What is Halal then?
EHP: Zikr, Salah, fasting
Me: I mean in terms of having fun
EHP: Astagfirullah! There is no place for entertainment in Islam! We were created to worship only!
Me: I know that, but Allah revealed a balanced religion and remind me to give you a copy of my upcoming book "Entertainment in Islam" when it is published. ;)

9. The Extreme Jihadi:

EJ: We must take over world, we can not live under Kaafir rule, it is Haraam to live here, all Muslims must migrate and make Jihad
Me: Then why are you still here?
EJ: Because I got a job interview with the Tax Department tomorrow and I need the money to support my family

10. The Extremely confused individual:

ECI: You can't watch Islam Channel! TV is haraam!
Me: Then why are you watching WWE?
ECI: You can't listen to Zain Bhikha, its haraam!
Me: Then why are you listening to Britney Spears?
ECI: You can't trim your beard and neaten it, it's haraam!
Me: Then why are you clean-shaven?

One more true conversation to end it off:

Extremist eating at restaurant: It's Haraam to eat here because this restaurant banks with First National Bank!
My Nany: Who do you bank with?
Extremist grumbles: First national Bank
My Nany nods her head and smiles victoriously

I love my Nany! :)


Nadia K said...

Asalamo Alaykum wr wb:
Read this on the Alkauthar forum,really liked it & so thought i'd have a look at your blog. I hope its ok....I have put this on my blog: however have clearly stated that you are the author and that it can be found on the AK forum as well as your blog. If you do not approve I shall remove it from my blog.

Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar said...

Not a problem, just provide a link to my blog as well, insha Allah :)

Nadia K said...

JazakAllah kheyr: yes have also provided link to your blog.

NoortheNinjabi said...

I followed Nadia's link :) MashaAllah, this was excellent!

Nadia K said...

I really like the article on 'phobias' as well....quite funny...yet so true :D the ummah needs more and more people like Brother Abu Muawiyah......inshAllah one day there will be more peace in the world.....

Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar said...

Jazakallah Khair for the kind comments from both of you. It motivates me to keep going because someone is benefiting. :)

vindicated said...

Jazakallah Khair,

You have a nice writing style. Keep it going! :)

Wael - said...

I enjoyed those simulated conversations (and especially the real ones). This is a nice, humorous way of highlighting some problems in Muslim thinking that need to be addressed.

Sharza bint Shuaib said...

MashaAllah, I liked the article very much:)